Someone once told me, “pick a lane”, at the time I didn’t understand. These words stopped me in my tracks. How could I possibly pick just one lane? Who was I? Who do I want to be? After years of searching for an answer, this off-handed comment lead to the most important realization of my lifetime. I am bigger than just one lane. I need more. I am more. One lane could never contain the multi-faceted diamond that is me. One lane could never bring me the immense joy, deep sorrow and larger than life love I am forever grateful to have received. One lane isn’t enough for me. And it never will be.
These words stung. Like that nagging buzzing feeling left behind from a bee sting. From the moment my ears heard them and my mind let them in. Another one of those unsolicited nuggets persons on our life path feel compelled to bestow upon us. I was defeated. I was 32 years old and had absolutely no idea what lane I was supposed to be in. How could I have gotten this far in life without finding my lane??? From the outside, all looked well. I looked happy. But, how could I be happy and not know my lane? Buzzzzzzzzzzzzz. These words were sent as advice but received as a condemnation about me and my life choices. I spent years trying to find my lane and myself. And for years, these words made me feel like I was failing. Why was that? Why did they sting me so?
Today, a full 18 years later, I look back and can’t believe the years spent trying to ‘find my lane’. It shocks me that I let 30 seconds drive a lifetime of a groundhog day search! I’ve now penned my own definition of what that moment meant. The words you see above took a lifetime to show themselves to me. They came to me with time and the long-awaited choice to accept myself fully. Who I am, without any reservations. To love myself, without any caveats. Now I revere this comment, without it, I may have never found out that I don’t need a lane, and I don’t need anyone else to approve of me. I have all I need right here within me, and one lane could certainly never contain all of me.
I never did check with the deliverer of these words to find out if my self-imposed definition and his matched. I figured it didn’t matter, these words belong to me now.